


Prayers for the preacher's son

by badshewolf



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Aversion Therapy, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, a bit of chansoo bc i can't help myself
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-10 16:56:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8924854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badshewolf/pseuds/badshewolf
Summary: Kim Jongin is the perfect son for a preacher, loves his family, loves God and loves his dogs.Oh Sehun is sick, according to his mother and the preacher of the "rehab center" where he's going to be until he changes his "deviated ways".





	1. Take me to church

**Author's Note:**

> This fic contains aversion therapy which is a form of psychological treatment in which the patient is exposed to a stimulus while simultaneously being subjected to some form of discomfort. Please be careful when reading since aversion therapy used to "cure" homosexuality is extremely brutal and in my personal opinion should be considered torture, this fic is completely fictional but it is based on true events that somehow still take place on our current world.

**_"I was born sick but I love it command me to be well, Amen. Amen. Amen"_ **

_Take me to church- Hozier._

A bump on the road jolts Sehun awake, confused the boy blinks a few times before gaining full conscience and stares at the road ahead, then he looks beside him to find his mother silently praying as she drives.

The boy sighs, so it's not a nightmare and this is really happening, he really is going to "rehab" as his mother put it out, but isn't rehab for people with addictions and/or some sort of disease, last time he checked he didn't have neither of those, at least from his point of view, "reparative therapy" it's what they called it, apparently Sehun's disease (and sin) is that he likes boys instead of girls.

His mom found out three months ago, she found out first that his best friend Park Chanyeol was in her own words a _disgusting faggot_ that was caught by his father kissing the Do boy in his own house, and then she keep saying offensive words at his best friends father because this showed support towards his friends and accepted them as they were and welcomed Kyungsoo( the Do boy) into his family, "How can that men accept that his son is a sick little shit that brings a boy into his home, and he accepts the boy too!! How can he destroy the sacred meaning of family by doing so" his mom told him while she was podding her roses on their backyard, Sehun that at that moment was holding a freshly cut rose on his hand closed his fist on it, feeling the torns ripp his skin and then the itching of the new wound as blood dripped from his palm, there was bile rising up his throat as he heard her speak so cruelly of his friends, his hands started shaking and his eyes watered at he realization that his mom was going to hate him as well, he was  _a sick little shit_ just like Yeol and Soo, he was gay too, and now his mother is going to hate him and she's going to kick him out of the house and " _Oh my god Sehun, baby you're bleeding honey stop you're crying does it hurts that much?"_ his mother asked as she got up as a bolt to tend his hand, "It does mom it hurts so much" he wasn't talking about his hand.

Later that night after his wounds have been taken care of, he was laying his head on his mother lap on the couch as she consoled him by caressing his hair, he broke once again in tears and spoke his mom the words that lead him to this road to  _hell_ , choking on his words he said to her " I'm gay mom, I'm just like Yeol and Soo, I like boys, so much mom, I..." he was cut of his speech as his mom got up suddenly from the couch and this caused him to fall to the cold ground, "NO, no, no,NO,Sehun no son of mine would be this way, you can't be this way son, people already talk too much about us because I'm a single mother, can you imagine what they would say about us now, don't you know Sehun, after your father left us I thought you understood that we had to try harder to be perfect and  _normal_ , how can you do this to me Sehun, no, I'm not allowing you to be this way" she said trembling and there were tears strakes on her face, Sehun expected this "A- are you kicking me out mom? I can't change mom, believe me I tried, do you think I want to be this way, do you think I would want you, my only family to hate me?" He said between sobs, "Oh baby no, oh no baby I would never kick you up, we'll find a solution, we are going to get you cured" his mother kneeled down in front of him and took his face between her hands "We are going to find a place to get you cured" she said softly to him, "Cured, mom, this can't be cured, it isn't like that I was born like this" he hadn't finished his sentence when he felt his cheek burn with the slap his mother gave him, "Listen to me Oh Sehun, you weren't born like this, I gave birth to a perfectly healthy child, this is all the fault of those faggots friends of yours and their permissive parents,we are going to get you cured whether you like it or not" she said and then got up and left the crying mess of a boy in the room, alone in the floor, helpless and hopeless.

And now they're here, on their way to a Christian "rehab center for people with deviated conducts" as they said, he stared at the rosary hanging from the mirror on the car and spoke for the first time in hours, "We are not even christians mom, we're catholic, why are you sending me to a christian prison" she tore her eyes from the view to set it on her son and then told him "First of all it's not a prison, its a center to help you get better, second the new pope seems to be too open minded and these kind of centers don't work anymore in the catholic society, so we have to recur to the protestants, we are all christians anyways, so no big deal" she said and returned her eyes to the road.

 Sehun just sighed and kept his eyes on the road as well, " _Not the only long road I have ahead"_ he thought.

 

                      **********

 **Perfect,** would coincidentally be the perfect word to describe Kim Jongin, an straight A's student, a family boy that loves his parents and sisters so much, a good christian boy that loves God above of everything and that his only source of "fun" are his three dogs who he loves as if they're his children, a golden boy for the community, he's expected to follow his father footsteps and to become a preacher when he's old enough, and he'll be old enough in a few months when he turns 19, he's going to follow the path everyone ought to be his, but is it really? has anyone ever stop to think that maybe he wants something else in life, that maybe he enjoys other things beside reading the bible and being a family boy.

Alone in his room, Jongin dances, he dances with fluidity and strength that no one that ever laid their eyes in the skinny and languid boy would ever thought he'd had,with his headphones on he wishes he could have the music as loud as he wanted to, but that's impossible, his father would probably have a heart attack if he found his only son  _dancing_ , he knows what his father thinks of this, Jongin has always wanted to dance just like his sisters did, but his father strongly opposed to it,"Dancing is just for girls Jongin", he'd say and then he would pat his little head and would continue with "And those sick people dad works with, you don't want to be like them right Jongin, you don't want to be sick like them and have to go trough the awful treatments they do, don't you" Jongin would always gulp when he heard his father say this, he has been to his father job the people there are always either screaming and crying in pain or extremely quiet and with lost eyes, Jongin doesn't know which one of those he finds scarier.

As he grew up, he learned to hide his passion and need to dance, always going to his sisters practice and memorizing the steps, so he could do them alone in the dark on his room late at night when everyone else were sleeping, he's good he knows that, he knows he has the potential to be what people call a star, but he could never, his father would never allow it and he can't allow himself that neither, his father has been only caring to him as for him to throw all of that away for the sake of his little  _hobbie_ , and he knows too that most of the _boys_ that dance are exactly like his father said, sick deviated people that had taken a path away from the lord, and Jongin despises this kind of people, going against the nature that our Lord had so kindly and lovingly imposed into us, the bible is clear and he would never go against it, against God, against his father.

Jongin is proud of who his Father is and the job he does, he helps people get cured and get on the right track, he leads them towards God's path and leads them away from the evil that they have succumbed to, he knows that some of the practices his father does to his patients may seem a bit too much, but they are needed, Jongin has actually never seen these practices because his father refuses to let him see them, his father told him that he doesn't think he's ready for that yet, Jongin is curious sometimes but he would never do something his father told him not to, but he did heard from some people at the school that some of these practices required electricity, which has Jongin confused because he has no idea how electricity is going to help a sick person to get over their aberrants ways, but he doesn't doubt his father and if his father makes use of that, the there must be a good reason for that, so that might look like it's not a good practice, but he's seen people get out of the center with newfound conducts and ways, so he's in no place to question them.

A knock on the door is heard and Jongin abruptly interrupts his dancing, quickly he takes his headphones off and throws them somewhere in his room as he sits to gain air and recompose himself.

"Come in" he says as he grabs his bible that sits next to him in his bed table, and opens it at a random page.

His father enters his rooms and smiles at the view of his only son reading the bible as he always does, the boy returns the smile to his father as this one takes a seat next to him on the edge of the bed.

"Tomorrow we have a new incomer for the center, and I've been thinking Jongin, my son, since you've already established your wish to continue with my legacy of helping the sick to find their way back to the lord, that you could help me with this one, he's a boy your age and I think your friendship and example might be just what he needs to get back on track, what you think son, would you help me help these sick soul?" His father said as he griped his shoulder tightly.

Jongin stared surprised at his father, it meant the moment had come, this was his future indeed and it was finally time he said goodbye to his secret dreams and hobbies, he needed to walk the path his father made for him and he had no other choice.

"Yes father of course I'll help you cure this poor soul that is being tormented by the evil hands of perversion" he said his clearly rehearsed speech nodding.

"Tomorrow a new life starts for you and this soul, son, I'm proud of you and the journey you've decided to take, now go to rest, tomorrow is big day for all of us" his father said as he got up and left the room.

Jongin smiled and waved at him, when his father was finally completely out of his room he plopped down on his bed and stared at the ceiling his fathers words resounding on his head.

 **"Tomorrow a new life starts for you and this soul"**  

His father didn't know how much true this statement was going to be...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter, kinda like and introduction to the characters before they met and the actual ~Journey~ begins, please leave a comment and a kudos if you like this and want more from it, I'm feed by those lol


	2. Son of a Preacher Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys met and there's some tension (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) nothing gets truly resolved yet but we going there fam

_**"The only one who could ever reach me was the son of a preacher man"** _

_Son of a preacher man- Dusty Springfield_

It was the edge of morning when they arrived to the center, Sehun's mother stopped the car and slightly patted his leg to let him know they have to get out of car,he looked at her pleading, wordlessly asking her to not let him there to don't do this to him.

She sighed and said "Listen honey, I don't like this neither, back at home you're my only company, my only friend, it's not easy for me to let you go to a place so far from home, where you're going to be all alone, you're my only child Sehun, and that's why i can't let you be like this" she said gesturing at him like he was some sick person.

"It isn't really as you think mom, its not that I'm actually sick, don't you love me mom?" he said as tears blossomed from his eyes.

"I DO SEHUN" she said exasperatedly, "that's why I want to help you, I don't want to let go of this without trying, please honey just give it a try, let's not give up without a fight, if this doesn't work then we have to" she stuttered as she couldn't find the words to complete her sentence.

" We what mom,are you going to accept me, or are you going to force me to hide myself? Will you make me have to become a priest so the people in town won't suspect the reason why I don't have a girlfriend or a wife? It's that your backup plan?" 

“Sehun please, let's not do this now, just promise me you'll try, please if you love me baby, I just need you to try this” she said and he could see the pain in her eyes, he didn't want to do this but he didn't have a choice, he couldn't bear to see his mother like that, she was right after all, each other were all they had.

“Alright mom, I'll try to, but please of this doesn't work, please promise me we will never try anything else and we'll just let it go” he said with downcast eyes.

His mother simply nodded and grabbed his face between her hands and said while looking directly to his eyes “ We'll get over this baby, we will” .

He really hoped so.

                                    ***

Jongin had barely any sleep, too many thoughts running through his head, he stated at his reflection on his bathroom mirror, he had dark circles around his eyes and his hair was sticking everywhere, he run his fingers softly through it and sighed, today was the day he was going to say goodbye to his dreams, today he was going to bury his dirty secret six feet under and never look back at it, he had a path to follow, a family to make proud, a heaven to earn and a sick soul to heal.

He thought about the boy that he was going to help, how did he got like that? Do these people wake up one day thinking I have to go against nature or what? He would never understand them, as a boy he grew up knowing that boys have to marry girls and vice versa that's what God wanted and we should never go against what he says.

Being honest Jongin had yet to show interest in girls, it's not that he liked boys or something, he would never be like that, maybe he was just too immersed in the world he was set to live in, he just had to be preacher like his dad, a wife would come eventually he figured.

“Jongin are you in there?” someone knocked on his door, he recognized his father voice immediately.

“Yes dad, I'm coming out, hold on” he said as he splashed some more water at his face and then faked his best smile.

“Good morning dad, have a nice sleep last night?” he said his wide smile plastered on his face.

“Yes son I did, how about you, ready for your first day as an instrument of the lord?” he said as he gripped the boy's shoulder.

“I sure am dad” for some reason his father hand on his shoulder weighted ten times more than it should.

“Let's get going then, I think they are already about to arrive to the center, you have all your things ready?” his father said as he turned around to go to the car.

“Yeah, everything is ready” Jongin said his voice barely a whisper.

 

                                      ***

Once they arrived the center Jongin sat awkwardly at a couch that was in front of the window, he definitely felt too out of place there, there were people screaming in pain, some nurses trying to calm them down and there were some people talking to the walls and others were just staring at him, he was extremely uncomfortable, but if this was the place he was going to expend the rest of his life he had to get use to it, taking a big breath he stared out the window when he saw the car arriving, he stood up and walked to the window, “that must be them” he thought, he couldn't see the people inside the car but he got the feeling they were having a discussion considering the fact that they arrived some time ago and they still haven't got out of the car.

Finally the companion door opened and a tall boy appeared, he was definitely taller than Jongin, he was pale and had even darker dark circles around his eyes and these were also red Has he been crying? Jongin gulped at the sight of the other boy, never in his life had he seen someone as beautiful as this boy, even with the state he was in he still managed to look like an angel, but he wasn't he needed to remind himself that this boy was sick and he had to see him only as someone he needed to help, but God, he was so beautiful, the boy looked at window as he apparently sensed someone was looking at him, Jongin blushed fiercely and walked away from the window, “You can't be like this Jongin, you need to help him not let him make you fall on his own sickness” the boy thought shaking his head and catching more air.

Sehun stared at the center, it looked exactly like a place where people went to die, the thought send shivers down his back, he was lost in his thoughts when he sensed someone staring at him, he directed his eyes to the window of the center, but couldn't see anything, “one of those windows were people see the outside but the outside can't see the inside” he thought “I wonder why would they need that type of windows” he shrugged and waited for his mom to come to his side

“Ok, here we are, you ready honey, come on take my hand we'll make this together” his mother said tangling her fingers with his.

“But I'm the only one suffering this” he thought but he gripped his mother hand and smiled at her nevertheless.

Once they stepped in the center Sehun wanted to run away from there, the atmosphere of the place was way too heavy, he felt as he couldn't breathe, he felt as if someone was crushing him, he was so close to having a panic attack when he felt a hand on his shoulder, he turned to see who was it, he found a boy about his age, tanned and with the most beautiful eyes and smile he ever seen, his already barely there breath got caught in his throat as he saw the boy in front of him.

“Are you ok buddy? You look like you need to sit, don't worry I'm here to help you, you're Sehun aren't you? I'm Jongin” Jongin said with his brightest smile ever then he noticed his hand on the other boy shoulder and quickly removed it from there, as he furrowed his brows and stared at his own hand.

Maybe he shouldn't be touching the sick boy, his father never told him about that, he was taken from his thoughts when he heard the other boy speak.

“I'm fine, I'm just… I'm just impressed I guess” Sehun said as he looked at Jongin, he blushed a bit, this boy was way too beautiful, how was he supposed to “get better” if a boy like that was around him.

“Do you work here?” He asked the other boy.

Jongin was amazed, even his voice was beautiful, how can someone that looks and sounds so much like an Angel can be tempted by the devil, he just realized the boy asked him a question when he saw his father approaching them.

“He's actually going to work especially with you Sehun, I figured you would get along since you're the same age, and not to brag, but my boy Jongin here is a perfect example of how a boy your age should be, I'm hoping his example will make your treatment work faster and better” the man said as he reached the two boys.

“Oh Preacher Kim, that's so thoughtful of you and your son, I'm so glad we found you, honestly we were desperate and you're such a miracle for us” sehun’s mother said to the man as she also approached them.

“You were desperate” Sehun said under his breath, his mother nudged him and gave him a look that said “not here” .

“Nonsense Mrs. Oh, we are to serve and if you need our help we'll do our best to accomplish that” the preacher said with a smile on his face “Now I would like to have a chat with you only regarding Sehun’s staying, boys you can get acquainted while we speak, that'll be nice wouldn't it boys?” The man said.

“That'll be nice right Sehun” his mother said and looked at him saying without words “don't mess this up, behave” he rolled his eyes at her and waved her off.

The two boys stayed there just watching their parents walk away together.

Jongin cleared his throat and then looked at the boy beside him and said “Well would you like to sit down to talk?” 

Sehun looked at the boy and nodded, he was still so nervous about it, he was an 18 years old gay boy and with him was an extremely attractive boy looking just like sin and mistakes, this would've been so much easier if his “therapist” was an old man or woman.

They walked together to the couch and sited next to each other, but Jongin kept a considerable distance between them, Sehun noticed this and felt like shit.

“Of course he would be like this Sehun, what were you expecting for him to treat you like a pal, he thinks you're sick just like everyone else” the boy thought as he felt he was just kicked in the guts.

Jongin noticed the sudden change in Sehun, and realized that he wouldn't be able to help the boy if he was so distant to him, he needed to be his friend, and friends are close, he just needed to draw the line between them and he shouldn't fear anything, he wasn't sick anyways and the lord will never let him get this sick, so he nodded to himself and scooted closer to the boy.

“So you were born in 94 as well? he said trying to start conversation with the other boy.

“Yeah, my birthday is on April, you?” Sehun noticed that the boy got closer, he didn't know what to think about, if he was honest he wishes he could shut his brain off and then turn it back on when this is over.

“Oh my birthday is on January, means I'm older, means I'm your Hyung” the older boy said smiling at him, god he is so beautiful he's not gonna make if he keeps smiling at him like that.

“Hmm Jongin Hyung then” Sehun said looking away from the other boy so this one won't notice his blush.

“Hahaha well I think the difference isn't that much is it? Just call me Jongin, we have to be friends and I think honorifics are not necessary” he said trying to get a look at the other boy, he always wanted to be called hyung, growing up with older sisters only took that away from him, but he couldn't be this boy's hyung, he just couldn't, there was something about Oh Sehun that he couldn't quite grasp yet, but he had time to do so, still he didn't think the feelings at the pitch of his stomach just by sitting next to him were a nice start, he'll have to bury these feelings before they get stronger, he'll bury then next to his dreams and aspirations as a dancer.

The two boys were now silent staring at each other, they both knew the other could possibly be the cause of failure on their journey, why did things had to turn this way for them? Why couldn't things just go as they planned it.

These would indeed be a long journey for both of them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter up, Happy holidays to everyone that left a kudos and if you only reading this now please leave a kudos and a comment, in response to the one comment I got, yes this will be top jongin, just to clarify that to anyone else wondering


	3. He is my sin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here comes trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone that left a kudos, I would love to see any comments if you're liking this story so far he he, first time writing an r rated scene so excuse the ugliness of it, I hope that 2017 is for the better for all of us :) love ya.

**_“I am the fallen, you are what my sins enclose”_ **

_She is my sin - Nightwish_

When their parents came out of the office, Sehun’s mother went to her son and smiled at the two boys sitting together, she then made a gesture to her son to accompany her to talk alone somewhere, “This is it, this is goodbye to everything” Sehun thought as he got up to follow his mother, nodding at Jongin as they left the room.

“Darling, I spoke with Preacher Kim and I'm so excited and glad we decided to come here baby, he's such a nice man, and his son is just as good, can you believe our luck? His son is going to work with you and only you, I'm sure you'll be healed and out of here in no time” his mother said as she grabbed his face between her hands, her hands that felt so cold and heavy on his face.

“Do you have to go already mom?” he asked softly as he lightly traced his mother's hands, when did her hands became this wrinkly and old, was this because of him, was his mom getting much older than she should've because he was a bad son ? he choked a sob when he thought about the pain he must've put his mother trough, “I've been so selfish, I'm sorry mom” he said.

“Oh baby is fine,you're here now and you promise to try didn't you?, this would be over soon and everything will be back to the way it used to be, we must have faith baby, and do your best, I trust you, and answering your question, yes baby I have to leave, Preacher Kim wants you to get acquainted as soon as possible” his mom smiled at him, then her smile falter a bit, she looked up at her son, swallowed hard and said to him “They might do things that you won't like baby, but it's all part of the treatment, you know you must suffer a bit to get better don't you? I agreed with everything they told me could be necessary for them to do to help you, so please baby, don't try to resist anything it's all to help you ok?”.

Sehun looked at her with wide eyes, would they hurt him? He has read some books were people like him were hurt in hopes for them to get better, but his mother wouldn't let that happen… right? But all he could do was nod to her, he rather get himself hurt than see disappointment in his mother eyes again.

They hugged tightly and even though neither of them actually wanted to let go, they had to, Sehun watched his mother leave and it was then when he finally felt his whole world crumbling down on him, he dropped to his knees as he saw his mother car get farther away.

“Sehun” he heard a soft voice calling him, he wiped his tears and looked at the tan boy squatting beside him, “We will help you, we will get you cured Sehun, trust me, we are going to be friends and we'll get you better, come on get up, let's get inside and begin to do so, okay? Jongin said with a reassuring smiled as he patted his back.

The younger boy just sighed “the sooner you start with this it'll be over” he said to himself and got up to follow the older boy inside.

“My father said he wanted to talk to you later, for now I'll show you your room and we could start with the orienting chat, is the fine with you?” Jongin said as he walked ahead of the other boy, glancing at said boy from time to time.

“Uh, what's an orienting chat?” the younger boy said as he stared at the back of the older, he has broad and nice shoulders, then he shook his head you can't think that Sehun, not of him.

The tanned boy stopped on his tracks then turned around to face Sehun, the younger boy stared at him with wide eyes, looking as if he was afraid or as if he got caught stealing something, he smiled to the boy to calm him down, and then said to him “Orienting chat is basically just a chat to find the roots of your problem and from there see the best possible way to help you get out of it” he gave the boy his biggest smile so he would feel less scared, and then continued his way to the room.

“The roots of my problem” Sehun murmured to himself and sighed for the umpteen time that day.

They reached the room and Jongin opened the room and made a gesture to Sehun to get in, Sehun nodded at him and entered the room, it wasn't a big room, it had just the necessary, a bed that looked hella uncomfortable,a even smaller bathroom, a desk with a chair, a closet and a single couch, he dropped his bag on the couch and went to the only window in the room,he stared outside the view was of the garden, a few people were there, some where sitting on a few chairs there and other were just sitting on the grass, from this point of view it looked almost peaceful, but Sehun was sure it was far from that.

“You can go to the garden anytime you want too, at least when you don't have treatment going on of course” Jongin said from his place leaning on the door frame.

The older boy then clapped his hands and cleared his throat, Sehun turned around to look at him and Jongin was left breathless, the dim light of the sun coming from the window shined on the boy's profile and it made him look even more beautiful than he already was, with his eyes open wide in expectation, his pink lips slightly parted that looked oh so soft and he glowed, he literally glowed, Jongin’s throat suddenly felt extremely dry, he swallowed hard and shoed away the dirty thoughts about the sick boy.

“Uhm, we should start orienting now, we can just sit here if you would feel more comfortable or we could go to the garden if you like, I recommend we do it here though so you will have your privacy” Jongin said avoiding to look at Sehun's face concentrating instead in a random spot on the window.

“Oh, well yeah, let's do it here then, it's it just us two? Or like we have to wait for your dad or the resident shrink? Sehun said as he walked to the chair on the desk and sited there, he noticed the change on Jongin’s attitude, seemed like the boy had his own conflict going on inside him, one minute he was all “Let's be bff and have matching bracelets” and the second he was “Don't you dare to breathe near me sick boy” it made Sehun really curious and he wanted to know too, what's going on the beautiful boy’s mind.

“Just us, ah it's normally my dad the one to do this, but I'm following his steps so now it's my turn to do it heh” Jongin said as he scratched the back of his neck then plopped on the couch.

“So I'm your first?”

Jongin eyes widened and he looked extremely shocked “What did you just said?” he asked as his hand started trembling.

“I'm your first, I mean this is the first time you're going to have this orientating chat with someone isn't it” the younger boy said as he tilted his head to the side.

“Oh yeah haha, I'm yeah this is the first time so I guess we should help each other, right” he said blushing and looking at his hands like silently commanding them to stop shaking.

Sehun smirked when he noticed the boy blushing, he was already here, he promised his mom he would try,but he knew there was no way he would actually change he would just lie forever, so if he was going to spent the rest of his life pretending he might as well have some fun here, and God, doesn't it sounds fun to mess with the preacher’s son.

“You know I'm always in for helping each other” he said and licked his lips.

Jongin froze did he, did he just licked his lip? He thought to himself, “calm down Jongin this is the devil trying to tempt you, you're stronger than him and you need to help this boy that isn't as strong as you” he cleared his throat and looked at some point above Sehun's head.

“When did you start uhm, being like this, when did you lose your way, my dad mentioned that some of your friends are… homosexuals as well” he said the word homosexuals as if it he felt actual physical pain when he pronounced the word.

Sehun just rolled his eyes, “I told everyone this already, I was always like this, I was born this way, my friends have nothing to do with it, I'm not a homosexual because my friends are homosexuals, they're my friends because they're homosexuals just like me” he made sure to say that word as many times possible to make the other boy uncomfortable, he knew he succeeded when he saw Jongin flinch every time he said it.

“Don't you love God Sehun?” Jongin said softly still avoiding the other boy's gaze.

“Enough to hate myself?” Sehun said in a slightly annoyed tone.

“W- what? Jongin was taken aback by what the other boy just said.

“Well isn't that what you all think I should do, hate myself as much as you do, as God do, you sit there and act as if I have leper, when maybe, just maybe Jongin, you could be just like me, you think is just the devil playing trick on us, don't you think he has better things to ruin than teenage boys and broken families” now Sehun was angry, how could this boy say that there's a way to love and a way to be to love God, he might be a preacher’s son but he doesn't know anything clearly.

“It's really not like that Sehun, we don't hate you, we hate the devil and he has gotten into you and we just want to help, hate the sin not the sinner, and I'm not like you Sehun,I'm not weak enough to let the devil win over me” he said standing up “I think you should rest and we'll have the real orientation tomorrow, maybe neither of us is ready yet, rest and I hope you feel better and more willing to cooperate” he said and stared at Sehun.

“You said that you're not like me, We'll see about that church boy” Sehun said and stared back at the older boy, who huffed and left the room without saying any other word.

Sehun just stared at the door as the other boy left,maybe it wasn't wise to start things off like this, but he couldn't stay quiet hearing and seeing someone treat him as he's actually crazy or sick, he sighed, he'll have to say sorry tomorrow and try to pretend better if he ever wanted out of this, he plopped on the bed and just stared at the ceiling, maybe he did needed to rest.

                                    ***

Jongin saw his father after leaving Sehun's room and told him that the boy was feeling sick so it was better to just start the treatment tomorrow after he rested, he didn't want to see his father disappointed on him for not doing a good job because of the damned sick boy, maybe tomorrow the boy would get more compliant and they would have an actual conversation.

“Oh really son, look at you, already thinking what's better for the sick, you make me so proud Jongin” his father said with a smile that felt like a knife through his chest, how could he not only lie to his father about the boy but also these feelings that he got around the little demon, he sighed and faked his best smile for his dad.

“Thank you dad, that's all I ever wanted to do, to make you proud” he said and he felt disgusted with himself he was so far from actually making his father proud.

The whole ride home he was silent and absent, his father didn't seem to notice and if he did,he didn't mention it.

Once they arrived their home, Jongin excuse himself saying he was very tired cause it's been a long day and he wanted to take a shower and just go to bed, his parents agreed with him told him their goodnights and continue their chat.

When he reached his room, he went directly to the bathroom, he felt so dirty because he lied and stared at a boy he needed to be clean from that dirt, he stayed under the shower for what seemed like years, till the water run cold and he had scrubbed his skin till it was red and he had to get out.

He went to his bed and sighed, he thought about everything that happened today, he tried to avoid any thoughts about Sehun, but no matter how hard he tried to his mind always ended up recalling him.

He remembered how beautiful the boy looked when he was in front of the window, how he glowed, how his lips looked so pink and soft, and inviting, he remembered when he licked his lips and this were glistening with his saliva, how would they with his own saliva, unconsciously he started getting hard on the thought of the other boy, he stopped thinking whether it was wrong or right and let his instinct and lust control himself, he slowly directed his hand towards his pelvis,he massaged the skin above his night shorts and then put his hands inside his boxers, he started massaging his own member enjoying the friction, it was the first time he had done something like this, and all he could thought of was of how better would it be if it was Sehun's hands instead, he closed his fist around the head and imagined it was the mouth of the boy, so pink, so soft and so sinful, sin,sin,sin everything was sin, of all the sins he could be committing this was by far the worst, but it felt so good, so good, he pumped his penis faster and with more strength, how deep could Sehun take him? Had he done this before, would he choke or gag, or would he take him as deep as hell, his eyes started to tear up, and he wasn't sure anymore if it was of pleasure or regret and fear, he was doing something extremely wrong that felt extremely right, he gave one last pumps as he cried Sehun's name, then the white liquid came out, dirtying not only his clothes and bedsheets, but his soul aswell , he was tainted,soiled and dirtied, he was sorry, he was so sorry, he could've have stopped himself but he didn't, he let the devil win,he was so messed up, he just took a shower and now was even dirtier, he was dirty beyond cleansing, he was tainted and stained forever, he deserved to burn in the depths of hell, he deserved to be punished by his disgusting actions, he was so disgusted with himself, the tear started to flood his eyes and his face, he was sobbing quietly, nobody could ever know about the sin he had just committed, he felt like dying why him,why did this had to happen to him,he was the prodigal son, he was the perfect son for a preacher and now all that he is, is soiled, dirty, stained,flawed.

For the first time in years, Kim Jongin cried himself to sleep,this time it wasn't because he was a little boy that just wanted to dance, no, this time he cried because he had let the devil in and he had let the devil win.

But let it be known, that by hook or by crook, he shall win the next battle with the devil, and he would save not only himself, but also the boy that had induced the devil into, he was going to save Oh Sehun too, no matter what.


	4. Wicked Game

_**“What a wicked game you play to make me feel this way, what a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you “** _

**Wicked Game- HIM**

  


Sehun was staring out the window, the dim light of the sun pouring through it, he saw an old woman sitting on a bench rocking herself back and forward, he shivered as he looked at her, will he end up like her? Will he lose his mind like that?.

He hugged his legs and kept staring at the woman till he was distracted by something else, a butterfly, a beautiful blue butterfly,he watched as the butterfly seemed to dance on the air, ever since he was a kid, Sehun loved butterflies, he would always chase after them and admired them, but his mom would often tell him to not do so in front of the other kids, because apparently little boys shouldn't like pretty butterflies they should like dirty worms.

How unfair was life, that a matter of liking a thing or other could put a value on your life.

There was a soft knock on the door and the boy sighed, no matter how much and for how long he reflected or he prepared, he'll never be prepared for anything that this crazy circus they dare to call rehab has in stock for him.

“Sehun” Jongin said softly and stared at the back of the boy in front of him, his hands were sweating and shaking, he was glad the other boy couldn't see him like that right now, he clenched his fists and took three deep breaths before calling him again.

“Sehun,would you please”

“Ok,let's just get this over with” the taller said and looked at the older straight in they eyes.

Jongin felt his whole body heating up, like a fever rushing up on him, his heart started beating faster and he could swear Sehun could hear the thumping, he digged his nails deeper into his palms, he couldn't let the devil win, he wouldn't, he had to stare at it in the eye and pass from it, he could feel his skin getting ripped by his nails blood starting to drip pass his fingers, he swallowed the lump on his throat and with a quivering smile he said “Listen Sehun, I know we might have not started off in a good place, but we are bound to go through this journey together and it would be easier for both of us if we both put our best to get things done, don't you think?”

Sehun looked at him from head to toes, stopping at his clenched fists and frowning when he notice the snippets of blood, he was going to mention it when the other boy quickly unclenched them and put his hands behind his band and smiled weakly at him, the younger shook his head and sighed, the older was right, it was worthless to play rebel without a cause, he promised his mom he would at least try, and he at least had to pretend to try.

“You're right,I apologize for the way I acted yesterday, it wasn't a nice way to show myself for the first time, I hope today we can do better” he said and raised his hand towards the other boy offering it to the other to shake.

Jongin looked at the hand in front of him and felt a shiver down his spine, he gulped and quickly shake practically without touching the other's hand which made the taller boy quirk an eyebrow at him, the older just turned around and kept talking like nothing happened.

“We must try again the conversation therapy, before we try any of the others one we use here, I must confess to you,I'm still not acquainted with all the ones we offer, but I'm sure my father will guide me on those so don't worry, right now let's just.. Talk ok?” He said as he went out the room and motioned to the other boy to follow him, they reached to a what seemed like an office and Jongin opened the door and led them both inside.

“Please take a seat there” he said and pointed to the couch in front of him, “Are you thirsty, want something to drink?” 

“Let's just do this, Hyung” the younger said 

Jongin looked up to Sehun in confusion “ I thought I told you that there's no need to call me Hyung?” he said to the younger.

Sehun shrugged “I supposed a bit of distance between us would be good for us, we're not really friends are we?” 

“I want to be your friend Sehun, you just have to let me, let's talk now, this is all this is about, you set the pace, ok there's no problem, you just need to open up”

“You want me to open up?” Sehun said and smirked at the older boy.

Jongin’s face heated up at the memory of last night's dreams and visions, he waved his hand in front of his face in an attempt to dissipate the tainted thoughts, he just smiled embarrassed at Sehun and nodded wordlessly.

The other boy rolled his eyes and sighed yet again, he looked at the other blushed face and he knew he had an effect on the older boy, the question was: will he make a use of it? He couldn't deny he was attracted to Jongin, hell the boy was the poster child for handsomeness, tall enough, tanned skin, silky brown hair and the lips of sin, Sehun unconsciously licked his lips at that, he saw the other boy wince when he did that smirked internally.

“What do you want to know about me then Jongin?” he said and got closer to the table were the older boy was writing something down.

“Well, I'm glad you dropped the Hyung for once, and well, our goal is to know,why, well, hmm, why, you know, you like, men” the other boy said clearly uncomfortable with the newfound closeness.

“I told this to my mom and I'm telling you now too, I was born like this, I've been thinking about boys since I was little, there's nothing I can do about it, I just do”

“You do realize thinking about boys that way is wrong, do you?”

”Do you want me to think of girls like you do?”

“I don't… I don't think about girls” he said his voice almost a whisper, Sehun raised his eyebrows at the other boy.

“What do you think about them?” 

“God? Mostly yeah, God” Jongin said nodding to himself as if he was trying to convince himself of something.

“So you're in love with God?” Sehun put his head between his palms as he looked at the boy in front of him

“I love God, but I'm not in love with him, you can't be in love with God, Sehun” 

“Why? Because God is a boy? If God was a woman would I be allowed to be in love with her? 

“I has nothing to do with gender Sehun!”

“I say the same thing Jongin!”

There was an awkward silence between the two young adults, Jongin felt questioned, and he didn't like that,this was the devil's doing, trying to insert new age ways of thinking on his brain and body and he wouldn't let him win,not again, not after last night.

“Thinking about men as in desired sexual partners is wrong Sehun”

“What about romantic partners”

“Is still wrong Sehun”

“Ok, thinking about girls as romantic and sexual partners,is that good Jongin? To think of them as something just to use and then dispose, is that what god wants? 

“Of course not Sehun, you're twisting my words now, please if we are going to be friends don't do that”

“I'm the most Sorry….Hyung” 

“Sehun” Jongin said and sighed

“Your mom told us your dad left you, you grew up without a parental figural on your life, that could be the reason you're well -gulp- like this,it could explain why are you, well like this,”

“Was your daddy always around?”

“Excuse me?”

“I think you heard me well Jongin, was your always around, even with his works with ‘people like me’ was he still there to man you up “ Jongin could taste the venom in Sehun's words but he wouldn't swallow let, he wouldn't give him that power.

“Yes he was, always taking me to soccer practice, to watch the games,he brought me here mostly”

“This doesn't really seems like a place for a child, and are you sure you did soccer, because I'm a dancer and I could recognize your posture and form from miles away” the younger spat at him.

  


 Jongin froze at the thought of being discovered, the words died at his throat, his hands shook uncontrollably and cold sweat dripped from his forehead to his feet, he looked at the boy in front of him and was sure it was a clear manifestation of the devil.

“Don't worry,Hyung, I'll be our secret, our secret dream”

Jongin gulped and cleaned his sweaty hands on his pants, took a long breath and then looked at the younger.

“I think that's enough for today, we made quite progress in this session, tomorrow we would do some more, you can go to rest now, then Father will like to talk to you” 

“No problem Jongin, I would love to talk to your father,not about our little secret obviously, that's between you and me only” Sehun said Seductively.

Jongin simply gulped once again and walked past the other boy, not allowing him more than his back to see.

Jongin walked hurriedly to the bathroom to release the tightness in his pants that had formed because of the temptation of that devil by the name of Oh Sehun, he was in the middle of fidgeting with his zipper when a voice interrupted him.

“Do you need help with that Hyung? After all it seems I'm the one to blame for it”.

**_“Strange what desire will make foolish people do”._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: well there's a cliffhanger, sorry is been so long, I've been having some heavy stuff I'm my life lately, I've been diagnosed with chronic depression and tomorrow I have an important exam so yeah, I've been busy, this is probably my last update for a while, I don't really think y'all will miss this fic tho lol so I might write this all up in my little free time and when I'm done post it all at once, I don't know when that might Be, might take a long time, but as I said I don't think no one is waiting for this fic really so :) thanks if u read this far love u .


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